~me???~

who am i

do i really laugh?

it seems like im just faking in everything before...

every single day...

i try to understand myself better...

people keep saying saying that i should do something that i want

something i really want

but i have a little problem here...

i dont really know what i want...

i am not sure...

is this considered as i have no personality???

i guess all i want are self-confidence and trust...

i want people all around me to believe what im doing...

but i guess it is not easy...

i may look like somebody who is easy to socialize with people but im not really sure either

that is a real me or not...

i wish that there will be a person who will come to me and reveal everything

every layer of lie that that i hide myself with...

but i guess that i am asking for too much

fffuuuuhhhh...

it is not easy to understand my own self...

damn... hahahaha...

im not sure what will happen in the future...

i were always asking for something that impossible...

once i know what i want...

i know i cant have it...

there will always a big barrier will come and stop me from hoping...

then, i will give up...

again and again and again

i dont know when will it stop...

hahahaha...

then i guess i will just follow the flow...

there are always many roads ahead of me...

and somehow...

i have stop fighting for myself...

no more arguing...

no more dissatisfaction...

i think i might had get used to it...

people keep saying that im different...

i do believe it since i was a kid...

and i used to know what makes me different from other people but i guess...

not anymore.

im just behaving like other people do...

till someone said that...

"athirah, i know you are different"

im happy but i failed to fill up "the person" expectation towards me...

i failed myself to fill up what i believe...

i disappointed that person and myself...

till again "the person" said...

"even though you have disappoint me but i never stop believing your gift to stand out from other people"

huh... but im sorry...

i just not sure with my ability anymore...

i cant dig out my specialty...

im clueless...

im lost...

i dont know how to wake up from my fantasy anymore...

i dont know how to get out from my wonderland...

i dont know how to catch people attention anymore...

i had failed...

i believe i had failed...

im to concerning about my barrier...

i cant do what i want anymore...

i just do know how to believe in myself...

believe in my specialty...

i might be laughing because im just a normal person...

no more extraordinary from me...

it seems like i had really given up on my other self...???

='(